Monday, July 14, 2003
Dear Momma,
Tears are flowing freely today. It’s so hard to live without you here! I still can’t believe you’re gone. I find my self remembering times we spent together and if I close my eyes really tight, I almost feel as I am living in that moment with you, again.
I wonder how you are doing and if you’re able to see us from where you are? How I would love to hear your voice or feel your hugs. My smiles are few and far between and my desire for life is just not there.
I talked to someone the other day about getting counseling. I thought that might help, but when the lady ask how long you had been gone and I told her it had been a little over a year ago, she sounded as though I should have had plenty of time to “get over” it.
I guess she hasn’t lost someone as valuable as you before. Did you hear that mom? I said you where valuable. I bet you never would have expected to hear me say that. Actually, mom, I thought a lot of you. I am glad that I found the courage to share a few of my admirations for you while I had the chance. It was really hard for me to encourage you because you continually denied your self worth.
One thing is for sure, I am glad that God made you my mom… My mom. Wow, it hurts so badly to say those two words. When we are children and get hurt, wronged or just have a bad day we say, “I want my mommy!” How true those words ring to me today!!!!
If only I could reach through time and feel you kiss away my tears and reassure me of a brighter tomorrow. If only I could call out your name to hear your voice reply. If only I had one more moment with you, I would spend it telling you how much you meant to me and how much I love you so. I would hug you tight and kiss your check.
I remember you telling me that I would regret the way I treated you after you were gone. I am sad to say that in some ways you were right. The one thing I regret is not having more time with you. Mom, help me to live from this day forward with no regrets. Cindy | 
